Secret Santa
by Metronomeblue
Summary: Captain Swan, Emma/Hook In which Hook attempts to give Emma Christmas gifts and fails miserably.


The first time Killian tried to give Emma a Christmas present, he failed miserably. Actually, the second and third too. The fourth as well. And the sixth, well... The sixth time Killian doesn't even want to think about.

But the first time Killian screwed up, he screwed up quietly. He had meant to give her chocolate, left it on her doorstep. Problem was, after the Apple Turnover Incident, she refused to eat anything given to her anonymously.

She burned them.

The second time, he attempted what Ruby had told him was 'less of a dangerous idea', and tried giving her a necklace. He left it on her pillow before she went to bed.

She thought it was cursed and sold it to Rumplestiltskin.

"So anyway, I was wondering if you could look after Henry while I wrap- HOLY SHITMUFFINS." Emma lost it the third time, when she walked into a pile of roses that reached the ceiling. "NOT AGAIN!"

"There has got to be a reason for this," mused Snow, holding up a rose.

"I don't care what the reason is," Emma began, grabbing armloads of roses and tossing them out the nearest window. "There's probably a bomb under them. For all I know, Regina's branched out and is trying something new."

"Roses, though? Kind of romantic for a murder plot." Snow sniffed one appreciatively.

"You're right." Emma stopped dead. "Must be Hook."

"Hook?" Snow raised her eyebrows.

"He's a romantic asshole with a terrible sense of humor and he just happens to be a pirate. He'd have no problem breaking into my apartment." Emma threw the last of the roses out her window.

"No bomb." Mumbled Snow, brushing the flower across her nose.

"Whatever." Emma stomped off.

The fourth time was a work of art. Killian had managed to get twenty wild swans into the lake and had fabricated a call to the Sheriff's office to get Emma to come down.

You can probably see where this one's going.

He hid in the trees around the water, shimmying up a maple and perching in the crook of two branches.

"Anyone here? Hello?" Emma looked tight, tense. A little shaken, too. Then she saw the swans. "Shit! Are these people? Has Mr. Gold gone on a transmogro spree?! Crap! What do I do? Hello?" She grabbed a swan and shook it desperately. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Actually, dearie," Mr. Gold smiled, walking past her, "Those are just swans."

"Oh." Emma looked embarrassed. Killian smacked his head against the tree.

The fifth time couldn't have gone more wrong if he'd tried. Now that he'd made the most extravagant gestures and had them all end badly, he figured he'd try something simple.

Like paying for her coffee.

"How much, Ruby?" Emma stood up, pulling a few fives from her jacket pocket.

"Oh, free." Ruby smiled and continued to wipe the counter.

"What? But I-"

"Somebody paid for you already." Ruby snickered, biting her lip.

"Give their money back." Emma slammed two fives on the counter and stalked away, a grinning Henry trailing her like a puppy.

"Damn." sighed Killian, downing the rest of his coffee.

Killian was fairly sure this was the worst idea yet. He had had trouble understanding Ruby's directions, but when he reached the end of the road he nearly tripped over a root and blew his cover. As it was, he was now covered in snow, half-frozen and seriously reconsidering any plans he had had before.

The carolers were on time, though.

"I hope this works." He muttered, climbing the tallest tree he could find.

They marched through the halls and knocked on her door, beginning to sing the miute she opened it. She visibly melted, a smile transforming her face from the tense, militant mask of 'The Sheriff' to a calm, pretty blonde with nothing more important on her mind.

When they finished, she asked them who sent them there. They pointed in his general direction and said 'the man in the coat' did.

Unfortunately, Dr. Whale was strolling down the street in... a coat. Emma immediately grabbed a baseball bat and was striding viciously through the snow to quite probably bash his head in. Killian made a face and fell off the branch he was sitting on.

"It worked on her mum!" Whale protested, turning a bit as Killian shoved him into a booth at Grany's. "How was I supposed to know she hated roses?"

"Maybe by asking her mother?" Killian sighed, signaling to Ruby that he would be needing a bottle of rum and two glasses.

"HER MOTHER WOULDN'T TALK TO ME! You try thinking up flower suggestions after being hunted down and bashed with a baseball bat!" Killian shrugged amiably and poured two shot glasses of rum. Scooting them over to Whale, he then began to calmly and nonchalantly drink the whole bottle.

"What do you think I should do, then?"

"Be Santa?" Whale suggested blithely.

Killian considered this idea.

And so it was that the seventh time Killian Jones tried to give Emma Swan a Christmas gift, he got stuck in her chimney.

"What the hell are you doing." She asked, deadly quiet and honestly frightening.

"Well I was trying to give you a Christmas gift, but I haven't managed to get you something you like." He gave up on trying to push himself out of the chimney and let his arms hang beside his head.

"So you came down my chimney and got stuck upside down like some kind of lunatic?" Emma asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes, I get it, you're unimpressed, I just thought maybe I could surprise Henry with something. Make him really believe." Emma bit back a smile.

"You wanted to drop a prensent down my chimney to make my son believe in Snata?"

"Well, yeah." Killian said sheepishly.

"And for the last week you've been the one giving me ridiculous gifts?" Emma was full-on smirking now.

"Well, yeah- They weren't that ridiculous, were they?" Killian looked a bit put out.

"Thank you." Emma leaned down and kissed him.

It was quite nice really, gentle and loving. Until Killian fell out of the chimney and got a concussion.

That wasn't fun.

Henry's face when he walked in on his mom and Captain Hook kissing? That was fun.

"Mom, does this mean I get to see his pirate ship now?"

"No, Henry."


End file.
